Fizzy Waterfalls & the Haircut Bigots

Have you ever filled a big cup up about halfway with a carbonated beverage, and when you go to take a drink of it, you can’t really breathe?  What’s the scientific process going on here?  Is the inside of the cup all filled with carbon dioxide?

Since I buy a lot of music on vinyl that I already own in another format, I keep ending up with a lot of “download cards”–these little guys that come in the vinyl records that also let you download a free version of the album–basically a way to try to convince you to spend money on music in any form at all.  Anyway, for awhile I tried to match up these cards with friends I thought might enjoy the specific music the most, but it’s gotten difficult.  If you legitimately think you might enjoy discovering new music that is the kind of music I like, let me know, the first person to say so just automatically gets all my download cards from here on out.

It seems about every six months, some bigot from the middle of nowhere says something atrocious, gets fired from his high profile job, and all the other bigots start freaking out about the First Amendment.  Now, I know I’m not the first to point this out, so I’ll be brief:  the First Amendment protects your speech (and not even all of it!) from the government.  Not from companies.  And the thing is, the people who want the jobs of these rich hate-mongers saved are the same exact people who are always the first to try to get a waitress fired for next to no reason.  Yeah, let’s keep the job of the rich bigot who definitely doesn’t care about you—because the Constitution!—but let’s fire our actual brethren who are down in the trenches with us because your steak was burnt.  I can only imagine what you’d want if that waitress said something you didn’t like!

I’m currently obsessed with the Kay Ryan poem, “The Niagara River”.  Watch the video below to see me tell you why:

The Niagara River

As though
the river were
a floor, we position
our table and chairs
upon it, eat, and
have conversation.
As it moves along,
we notice–as
calmly as though
dining room paintings
were being replaced–
the changing scenes
along the shore.  We
do know, we do
know this is the
Niagara River, but
it is hard to remember
what that means.


It’s kind of difficult to rate your senses, isn’t it?  I was just sitting here thinking, gee, smell has to be the best sense!  But then I thought, oh there is no way smell can compete with touch!  But then I remembered sight.  And on and on.  Senses rule!

I’m getting tired of cutting my hair.  Does this really just have to keep happening?  I mean it’s every couple weeks, for, like, life.  I mean, I get it, body.  You’re good at growing hair on my head and, increasingly, everywhere else.  We’re all very impressed.  But consider your point proven.

My new deodorant smells like soap.

Look at this picture I took:




4 Responses to “Fizzy Waterfalls & the Haircut Bigots”

  1. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    Try ranking your senses by imagining what it would be like to not have each one, respectively, then see which one you would miss the most. I’d miss not having any of them, but I gotta go with sight as number one. This make me unique.

    There’s a joke somewhere hidden in the premise of a guy hating to have to get haircuts so often that he pays his doctor to phony up some documents saying he has cancer and needs heavy doses of chemotherapy. You know, for the hair loss. It’s buried in there alright, but I don’t dare dig it in public!

    Chelsea, as her name stands on my blog, cried out for the First Amendment when the Duck Dynasty guy ran his mouth. I did speak up, but I didn’t stop chasing her.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      yeah, I guess that would be the way to rate them…and I guess it does have to be sight, doesn’t it? Odd that I started out thinking smell was the best and it is obviously the first to get voted off the island.

  2. After I watched your soliloquy, I zed out of it back to this page. Now your video is replaced by an interview of Kay Ryan. I just thumbed up, and you are back. Wake me up please!!!
    That is an excellent poem Then you will explain it very well. At least what you think about it.
    I can’t remember ever seeing fruit salad for sale on the streets.
    I have often ranked my senses. And always put sight first. Although hearing is not far behind, now that I’m having trouble hearing.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      Lol youtube sometimes does that, when you let a video play all the way to the end, it will pop up suggested things to watch next, based off of the content of the video. It only does it on certain kinds of websites though, so you must not have seen it before! Very funny. I also thought it was very interesting that there would be a fruit salad cart on the street. I never saw anybody at it!

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