I don’t understand why you’re angry in November.

So, it is that time of year.  We all know it well.  A day or two after Halloween, and suddenly decorations are up for Thanksgiving, as well as Christmas, and there is holiday music everywhere, and TV specials, and all the big box stores have set aside three huge aisles for holidays that are still a few months away.  My question is, so fucking what?

 

Why are you all so piping mad about this, year after year?  The only thing you can count on more than a relentless parade of Peanuts specials as soon as the leaves turn, is everyone in the whole world bitching about Wal-Mart and Target selling Christmas stuff.  This barrage of bitching has been going on for so long, and by so many people across every possible social strata, that the inherent wickedness of these “early holidays” seems to just be generally accepted by everyone.  It has just become a societal fact: Christmas being advertised in November is evil, it’s bad, it’s annoying.  Give us time for Thanksgiving!, everyone bemoans, as though the Wal-Mart packages of three different kinds of Brut cologne were somehow going to stop them from posting , to their Facebook wall, one thing they were thankful for each day during the month of November.  Let me guess, your kids, husband, job, health, and God, right?  Got it, same as last year.

Listen soccer mom, big cardboard candy canes on the light posts aren’t going to stop you from stuffing Stove Top into a dead, genetically enhanced bird.  Nothing about the holiday of Thanksgiving is changed by our thinking about Christmas early.  Nothing.

I have thought long and hard about why this must get everyone so riled up, and have come up with a stultifying lack of credible reasons.  You’re mad because…why?  You hate Christmas?  You hate loving your fellow humans?  You hate presents and joy and the ringing of bells?  And you don’t really like Thanksgiving that much, do you?  You know turkey and mashed potatoes are available year-round, right?

The only viable argument I can come up with for folks’ dislike to November Christmasing is the obvious commercialization of the holiday, and mega-corporations using this wonderful time of year (whether you celebrate religiously or secularly, it is still a special time) to make money, preying on our emotions and beliefs to squeeze every cent out of us.  That is all true, but seriously, where are you the other ten months? You are aware, right, that this is ALWAYS HAPPENING.  Enormous, headless, faceless companies are constantly using your emotions, desires, memories, and fears in the most brazen, shameful ways to get you to spend three more dollars.  Every fucking moment of your capitalist life, you are being used and prodded.  Every aisle in that Wal-Mart is ALWAYS, year-round, set up to screw you over, psychologically.  If you want to just wake up to the way the world is working because suddenly your Coca-Cola has polar bears on it, I have little sympathy for you.

I don’t understand why you’re angry in November.

4 Responses to “I don’t understand why you’re angry in November.”

  1. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    I agree with everything you say here, but I don’t think you take into account all aspects. For bachelors like you and I there really isn’t much to the holidays. There’s a decent chance we’ll be working on one or both of the big days coming up, and it will be just another work day to us. For most mothers it’s a whole ordeal. There are Christmas cards to send, baked goods to be made and delivered, tons of shopping to do (moms shop at multiple stores spread out over multiple days as opposed to the one store/website shopping I do), wrapping of those gifts, food to be made the day of, Santa related gimmicks, parties to attend, outfits to wear to those parties, awkward conversations to have, and then add on all the normal life stress that doesn’t take a holiday. Yes, most of those things aren’t necessary, but they feel they need to be done anyway. My own mother is never off her feet the entire day with all the cooking she does every Christmas.

    And you’re absolutely correct about the big box stores being the same amount of evil all year, but consider all that goes on during Christmas season. Television shows, music, downtown decorations, and family members remind you at every turn that Christmas time is upon us. There are no songs to remind us that it’s a Wednesday in March when it’s that time of year. Sure maybe all you intended to buy that Wednesday in March is a gallon of milk from Wal Mart, but they somehow convinced you to also purchase socks and sunscreen through their evil retail powers. It just isn’t as obvious. So when people complain about Christmas stuff showing up in November, I think it’s more that those decorations act as an evil reminder of all the things you have to do and the stress that comes with it. I would argue most people that complain about it are more complaining about the stress than the holiday itself. If everyone had my Christmas experience of putting on a jacket when you go outside, on December 21st ordering five items from Amazon that will be given unwrapped on December 27th, and then eat and drink a lot on the 25th, they’d all be a bunch of whiners. You and I have it easy when our only complaint is listening to all these jerk offs whine for two months.

    And I know you knew all these things, but I just don’t think you took them into consideration.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      I can’t really argue with any of your points…they seem pretty valid. But still, I say “meh”. It still seems like just a bunch of whining.

  2. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    Oh, but your complaints about thankful Facebook posts was HILARIOUS!

  3. Even with all of that, Kyle, Seth’s argument still hold more water. There’s really no reason to be so pissed about it. We all need to relax.

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