All This Extraness

Whose body is this, anyway?  I glance (glancingly) in Mirror Mirror at these fleshly fleshy parts tout-a-coup-morphosed into those of my aunts and forefathers, god me me with these jiggly arms, the bulbous belly that was gone but is back, thighs like juicy strawberry logs, my butt full-throttle zaftig.  What has happened here?  I understand: metabolism slows by some inhuman fraction every year, the testosterone is riding into the sunset and being replaced by extra chins, fondue cheeks, and dreams about ice cream buffets.  When I’m happy I eat, and when I’m sad I don’t exercise, and I’m usually one or the other.  Good heavens, why can’t I just grow extra hands or something?

All this extraness seems like a meaningless punishment, a silly gesture of a result.

3 Responses to “All This Extraness”

  1. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    Oh this is funny! “Fondue cheeks” keeps making me laugh out loud. Growing extra hands as an alternative. There are things that are funny just because and then there are things that are extra funny because it’s a unique way to reveal the truth. This is the latter for sure.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      Why thank you, sir. I was definitely aiming for meaningful humor, good to know I hit the mark!

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Hah! Very funny!!!

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