Nothing Adds Up

You can buy so much stuff around here. And you don’t need too much money. It’s only 3 bucks for some delicious Pepperidge Farm cookies; they look like they should cost more, but really, they’re still normal-person cookies.

If you have an extra two bucks, you can buy a useless balsa-wood box that you could keep, maybe, three Polaroids in, or some pens. Everyone has two extra bucks.

How about a case of Red Bull? It’s only 20 bucks. That’s a lot of Red Bull. That’s a lot of energy. Who doesn’t have 20 extra bucks? C’mon, live a little. What are you saving it for?

Oh looky here. REO Speedwagon’s greatest hits. CDs are so cheap nowadays. You can get this one in cheap-ass cardboard packaging with no liner notes for 6 bucks. It would cost you more than that to download these songs. Why not? 6 bucks won’t drain the coffers; that’s the price of a Big Mac. Buy the CD; what have you got to lose?

I know you want this M.R. Ducks t-shirt. You’d look so good in it. It’s a cotton/poly blend. It’s 20% off. How can you resist it? It’s so clever. You know what they say: you can’t take it with you.

Look at all this stuff you could buy. None of it costs anything. Nothing adds up. C’mon. You’ll feel better.

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