Strange Quirks

I make no secret of the fact that I really, at this point in my life, have little-to-no desire to be in a relationship.  This is, most likely, because something is wrong with me, but whatever.  That’s not what this post is about.  But I promise it’s true: I really have no desire to date anyone (although I stop short of saying “never again”).

A few weeks or a month ago, I was reading an article somewhere about the internet company Yahoo, and how they were failing despite having a multitude of sites and featues available that at first glance, it would seem many users would benefit from.  So out of curiosity, I surfed on over there.  And they DO have a ton of channels (and I was reminded that I’ve been using their movie-showing-times feature for years).  I clicked around a few times just to see what this ghost town was like.  Finance, Shopping, Sports.  It was a fairly nice and helpful site.

Then I clicked on Dating.  Just to see what it was like.  As I said, I have no interest in dating.  Now, I am not opposed to online dating.  I have tried it myself more than a few times, even shelling out big bucks over the course of a whole year once for eHarmony.  I really just wanted to see what could possibly be going on—in Erie—at this supposedly failing ghost town website.  Of course, the site (which is apparently a hybrid of Yahoo and Match.com, which Yahoo owns) basically makes you set up an account just to do a search for people in your area.  I was annoyed by this but just casually sped through the process, having no actual interest in getting dates out of the profile.

So I set up my quickie, no-thought profile, checked out the site for a minute or two, and moved on.  But the next day, they started pouring in.  Winks, nudges, private messages.  Match.com sends me an e-mail every time a woman interacts with my profile—and it’s happening a lot.  Every day, for weeks now, the women of the Erie Match.com seem to freaking looooove me.  Now, I can’t interact back, because you need a paid account to do so.  But they do link me to their accounts, and they are real women, no doubt about it.  And having done online dating before, I can tell you this level of attention is unusual.

You may be asking, why am I telling you this?  Because interestingly, this is the profile I created in a quick moment just in order to see the website.  I tried to make it shorter but they had a somewhat annoying minimum character limit.  I tried to be brutally honest about myself to AVOID interest:

Hey there!  I’m just a guy who hasn’t been in a relationship in, like, 5 years and has lived totally alone and developed all kinds of strange quirks that will probably keep me single my whole life.  I am overly opinionated on all sorts of things from art to politics to culture and this overbearing nature often makes me seem like a pretentious know-it-all, which I suppose I am.  I’m a recovering alcoholic (sober 8 years)…it’s not a big deal to me anymore but it seems to matter to women.  I don’t care how much you drink.  I quit smoking 2 years ago and I got fat and haven’t got unfat yet.  I’m short, too, although, despite all this, I think you’ll probably find me undeniably attractive.  I have the face of an angel.  A masculine angel.  I can’t stand sitting at home.  I have to be biking, or walking, or exploring things like historical sites or museums or what have you.  Although I do have a DVD collection so extensive, it’ll make your toes curl.  So go ahead, get in touch with me, let’s see if you can handle me.

 

8 Responses to “Strange Quirks”

  1. Your quirks are undeniably the reason that the women of Erie are throwing themselves at you over the internet! :) Maybe this is a sign that you should jump in all the way and create that paid account!! Unless you have made the decision that you don’t want a relationship period.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      No, I never really rule it out, but I don’t feel like “looking” for one. If I stumble onto something, so be it.

      I think the reason it is getting so much attention is the honest, straight-forward nature of it. Online dating is SO fraught with uncertainties. Even though I list some relatively neagtive things about myself, they know I’m not lying!

  2. This is so hilarious, I love you all over again. More, even.

  3. Tatiana Zarnowski Says:

    Yeah, it’s definitely the honesty. I haven’t online dated in years, but I remember the “blah blah blah I’m such a nice guy blah blah I like to look at sunsets and blah blah I’m average-looking but expect women to look like models blah blah.” Puuuke.

    Most people like to date people who are real.

    The whole thing is an interesting experiment.

  4. The problem is that your profile serves as like a challenge. The woman sees it and says, I can handle that guy, I’ll give him a whirl. That and the angel face basically set you up for failure (or is it success?)

    • sethdellinger Says:

      haha I suppose you’re right, although I considered both the challenge at the end and the angel face comment to be examples of my afore-mentioned pomposity! Freaking women.

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