The Final Note

Summer has finally, at long, long last come to Erie, and a happier man, I could not be.  As everyone knows, heat is my wheelhouse.  I feel alive, caffeinated, abuzz with ideas, inspiration, energy and hormones.  The world is absolutely mine.

Summer has always been my most creative season.  I realize I’m not an “artist” of any stripe, per se.  An amateur creative writer would best describe me, I suppose, although I like to think I simply live a creative life, from doodling while I watch TV to giving people nicknames.  I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m perfectly content with the fact that I will never be famous for any of the creative arts (I’m simply not good enough at anything), but I like to keep doing things anyway, because a body’s got to do something with all this time, no?

For just about as long as I can remember, I have taken great joy in the act of creation, from words to drawings (bad as they may be) to short films and photography.  I remember in my teens, I spent almost a whole year simply putting words together by twos, on reams and reams of white lined notebook paper (for instance, copper elephant, democratic pants, shoeshine sunrise, garden car, and on and on, thousands of them).  I did this for no other reason than it brought me joy.  I have dozens of other examples like this from my life.

Which brings me to my point.  Despite numerous attempts to deny it to myself, Notes From the Fire is not only no longer bringing me joy, but I believe it to be sapping my creative energies.  I no longer write anything for fun and excitement, but instead to get “views” on my blog.  I no longer write what I most intensely want to write about, but what is “safe” enough for the blog, but “personal” enough to maintain it’s tone.  I also have made myself feel compelled to post with a certain frequency, thereby often resulting in diminished quality and repititious horseshit.  I know that all these problems are simply results of my own mindset regarding The Notes, but I have tried repeatedly to change this mindset, to no avail.  In short, the blog rules me mentally and is crushing me creatively.

I need some time to once again find what it’s like to write for oneself, or for a future audience—and not for immediate consumption.  In addition, I’m feeling my creative juices pulling me in interesting ways, away from simply the written word and into visual arts.  Right now, I really feel like taking some pictures with actual film, having them developed, and collaging them…some sort of themed collage, perhaps.  That sounds fun.  Maybe I’ll do it in my attic and even throw paint at it or something.  But I’m going to do it for myself and nobody’s going to see it, at least not for awhile (and it will probably be no good anyway, but I’ll have a ton of fun doing it).

Don’t worry, I’m not taking The Notes down.  This website will always be here.  Feel free to peruse old entries; I’ll still reply to comments you make on them.  Also, you can always check out my Netflix queue on here.  :)

Something tells me I’ll be back sooner than I imagine, but on a different site and perhaps in a different format.  Or the break will do me wonders and I’ll be back at The Notes sometime.  Who knows?  There are no rules, and now that it’s summer, I’m going to be proving that as much as possible.  For instance, right now it’s 4am, I haven’t slept yet, and as soon as the sun comes up, I’m going to ride my bike all over this town and take lovely pictures all damn day, because I can.

However, you won’t see them on Notes From the Fire.

Don’t worry though, they’ll still be on Facebook.  I haven’t lost my mind!

Thanks to all of you for reading and making Notes From the Fire a lovely, rewarding experience for me!

25 Responses to “The Final Note”

  1. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    If you stop blogging who am I going to steal ideas from then? I’m certainly not going to steal this idea! Personally I couldn’t even fathom not having a blog. How else would people know that I hate Wendy’s new fries and you should too?

    No sense in trying to persuade you otherwise. You’re a stubborn old coot. I hope you come back sooner rather than later. When and if you do I say throw caution to the wind. Who cares if a blog subject won’t be as popular or offend some people. It’s your own damn blog. I lost thousands of friends when I came out against Wendy’s Sea-Salted arm pit fries and I don’t regret it one bit.

    Some distance does sound like the best thing for your situation though. We will miss our Farty McShoon.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      Thank you Kyle, it is good to know I will be missed! Perhaps you can steal ideas from Cory, who needs to get a blog ASAP or I’m taking down all the pictures of her I taped in my spank cubicle!

      Dude. Seriously. Give it up about those damn fries already.

  2. I think giving your blog a hiatus, or saying goodbye to it forever is an excellent idea. But, how the hell am I going to read Kyle’s comments? :)

  3. mercedes Says:

    i love you, sethy.

  4. Chandra Says:

    I am sad, but I get it. Keep us updated of your online whereabouts.

  5. cory w. Says:

    I. AM. GOING. TO. CRY! Noodle, I will miss your blog soooo much! You have to text me much more often now. Dammit, this sucks!! But I support your (stupid) decision, because I am your friend. I’m just sad that I no longer get the enjoyment of reading you all the time. :( :( :(

    • sethdellinger Says:

      I swear this wasnt here when I texted you yesterday and said I hadn’t written anything yet! I thought I was still gonna wait a few days to write it, but then I couldn’t sleep so I said fuck it!

      I am more than capable of texting you more! Ask and you shall recieve!

  6. I know exactly what you are saying. How can one argue against this reasoning? Still it sucks…enjoy the summer.

  7. Franklin Says:

    I’ll miss the year end lists for sure.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      Yeah I’m gonna have to find a way to do them still, whether on here or at a new venue. I don’t feel like I’m quite done with them yet.

  8. cory w. Says:

    Fine, don’t write this blog anymore. See if I care. I’m still going to comment on it whenever I feel like it.

  9. cory w. Says:

    I miss this blog! And I haven’t recieved nearly enough random texts, although I do so cherish the snail mail you send me! Getting corespondence from a friend IN THE EFFING MAIL is so precious and rare these days.

  10. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    Have you ever considered writing a memoir of your alcoholic days? Every single story I’ve read has absolutely fascinated me. I bet if the right people read it it would sell well. Especially with your full recovery WITHOUT bullshit religion. I’d at least buy a copy. Boom $20 right there. Write it when you need at least $20.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      I’ve not only thought about it, I’ve started it. 6 times. Along with the dozen or so novels I’ve started. I just don’t seem to have the ability to create an “extended” piece of writing. Aside from that, recovery memoirs are a dime a dozen the last few years. Believe it or not, my story is not “extreme” enough to sell. I will still probably try again some day, however, just because it will be fun, if I’m ever actually capable of it.

  11. cory w. Says:

    Oh, I’d love to see that! I remember when you got out of rehab that last time and you came to my house. We sat in my room and you laid all your experiences out for me, time line style. I think that would be a good place to start. Make an outline of the major events as they happened. Then you can fill in details. I don’t mean to tell you how to write as you are already a gifted writer, I just think this approach might be the easiest if you haven’t already tried it.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      See, I wouldn’t want to write it like that, all linear and shit. Maybe that’s my problem and why I can’t get it going, but I’ve tried telling it in a variety of uncoventional ways, from a basic Tarantino-style timeline mix-up, to super meta-ideas like the fantasy Seth I created at the height of my addiction (a famous, rich poet Seth who had found an existence that allowed him to be an alcoholic and paid him well for it) telling the story of the real Seth’s addiction (I’ll have to explain that one over the phone sometime). Some of these might be too complex but writing something linear is not only more boring (for me) but also oddly more difficult.

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