Get the hell away from me with sweeping gender generalizations.  I’m not gonna sit back about it anymore.  Sentences that begin with “Why do all men blah blah blah” or “You know how women are blah blah blah” are personally insulting and I’m not turning the cheek anymore.

You know why it’s mainly so insulting?  Because it’s stupid.  It’s clearly not based on any fact, any observable phenomenon, any even moderate connection to fucking reality.  Way to go ahead and ignore the innate human trait of individuality, Cookiepuss.  Bravo on looking right past all these signposts we’ve all put up to distinguish ourselves from the others.  Way to lump me in with some meathead douchebag because you have an emotional need to be angry at somebody besides that meathead douchebag.

Well I have emotional needs too, and I’m going to start planting a flag in them.  I have an emotional need to not be made to feel like an insensitive prick just because the grease-monkey skeezer you date didn’t record your favorite television show for you.  I’m not him.  Grow up a little bit and learn to process the world properly.  People are individuals, with widely varied traits across gender lines.  Grow.  Up.

Sure, I’ll grant you that there are vague genealizations that can be made about the genders, but with each passing year, they grow less and less clear, and less useful.  Thirty years ago, you could have said men like sports more than women, and women are more emotional than men, and men like sex more, and women like to gossip.  These things are less and less true the more we proceed into the “modern” world (and I, for one, say hooray for it).  Even the parts of these generalizations that are true are hardly useful; they are cosmetic, interest-based generalities.  Men are not more dishonest than women.  Women are not less emotionally stable than men.  Any generalities you can pronounce are about television and driving habits.

And while I’ve got a good head of steam up, stop asking me for my “male perspective” on the actions of other men who I have never met.  I have no idea why he did what he did, or what he’ll do next, or what he’s thinking, just because I am a fellow man.  Guess who were also both men?  Lincoln and Hitler.  Now there are two really fucking different men.   Nobody was asking Hitler how Abe Lincoln had written that damned Gettysburg Address.  Jimmy Connors and John McInroe.  Both men.  Harriet Tubman and Catherine the Great.  Both women.  He-Man and Skeletor.  Jem and Pizzazz.  You get the point.

I know that when you ask me these things, you’re really just asking for advice, or empathy, or a friendly ear, but I’m sick of always ignoring your not-so-veiled insults while I am being so friendly.  Why can’t you just talk to me, instead of asking my “male” perspective, thereby implying I might also do the horrible things your bonehead meatwad did?  I’ve had my tender red heart torn asunder by plenty of fine women, Cookiepuss, but I’ve never assumed that meant you would do it too.  Even as a child, I was adult enough to know the difference between you and her, and me and him.  I mean, c’mon!

23 Responses to “”

  1. Kyle Sundgren Says:

    This seems to be your thoughts directed at someone real or imagined displayed in public form. It really doesn’t beg commenter opinion…but I’ll give mine anyway!

    I think I am opposite of your feelings here. Maybe not completely, but I enjoy when a female asks me for my “male perspective”. It could very well be the difference between the females asking you for advice and the ones that ask me for advice. In my case, I love to set them straight. Lovely as they are they are completely DUMB to the male mind. How do they think that anyone, male or female, can read their mind and know what you’re thinking. Why don’t you just SAY what you mean!? Don’t get MAD at a guy cuz he brings a condom on a date! He’s being smart and SAFE just in case something happens! Now I’m venting.

    I do see your point though. There’s no need to preface the conversation with “male perspective”. The lady can just ask what she’s curious about. I know I’ve asked lady friends for their “female perspective” more than a few times. We’re just two differently thinking humans and it helps to have a friend who can give you some inside info. Women are crazy and complicated, men are dumb and simple.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      But that’s not true! Not all women are crazy and complicated and not all men are dumb and simple! I, for one, am ridiculously complicated. And also simple. And dumb and brilliant and crazy and complicated. You can’t boil the genders down to such nicely rounded adjectives like that. As a very wise man once said, “I contain multitudes.”

      For the record, this is not aimed at anyone in particular. It’s something that has basically bothered me my whole life and I’m finally just going to come out against it.

      I’m not AS bothered by the “male perspective” thing as I am by the “All man are blah blah blah” because, fuck that.

      But about the male perspective issue…I have met men that I am so different from, I honestly could not even understand what they were saying. And I should be able to guess at their motivations and the secret machinery that moves them? I barely even understand my own.

      • The line “I contain multitudes” is powerful and perfect here. He was a very wise man indeed!

      • Billhanna Says:

        When Jayme and I first started dating, she said to me, “Well, guys are simple. Easy to please.”
        She had no clue what she did. I. Lost. My. Shit. She quickly learned her lesson.

        Don’t even get me started on racial generalizations. Way to go, jerk. Now my blood pressure is rising. Due to stress.

        • sethdellinger Says:

          I still don’t understand how you and Jayme don’t just kill each other.

          Dude racial shit is a whole other ball game! As I’m sure you know. Although I’m not going to get into how loud you talked that time we went to see “Sweeney Todd”.

  2. I don’t know. I actually make female generalizations all the time. I don;t know why I’m even writing this comment though. I don’t know if I agree or disagree with what you said!

  3. I was seeing a woman once who was on the rebound from a failed marriage. We were in bed, after being intimate, and having a talk, when she said “all men are assholes”. In MY bed right after we had been intimate. The absolute stupidity of it really got to me. She was gone witih the hour and that was the end of our relationship, For all of my faults I cannot imagine EVER saying something so callous to a lover. Ridiculous.

  4. I hear what you are saying, and you are right about it. SORT OF. Of course, not all men and women are the same, and OF COURSE we cannot lump every person of the same “group” into the same category.

    The problem with you argument lies here: You, my brother, are quite different than the “average” man. Therein lies your confusion. So, yes, not all men are created equal, but about 95% of them are. You just happen to fall in that 5% that is different.

    And by this I do not mean that all men are assholes, as Dad stated above, and that interaction he described was clearly with a real jerk of a woman. What I mean is that most men do share some traits, such as emotional unavailability or simple minded-ness, or an inability to find things that are right in front of them, or even road rage, more than women. And most women are confusing, complicated, emotional, irrational (at times), demanding, and kind of vain.

  5. I was going to respond to Adi a while ago but forgot what I was doing and couldnt find a shirt to wear in my closet so I had to drive to Saylor’s bare chested. I was angry because i had no shirt on so I purposely cut off another driver and gave her the finger. When I got to the store the cashier tried to console my anger by asking me about my inner feelings but I angrily told her that I didnt want to respond to that mushy bullshit questiuon.

      • sethdellinger Says:

        hahahaha!! Oh that is rich.

        Adi, I just could not disagree with you more. I find those qualities you listed to be in equal supply in men and women. Maybe I’ve just sort of hit a golden jackpot and have friends and aquaintances who are blessedly non-cliche, but if I really think abotu the people I know and not sitcom characters, I find the statements you made in the last paragraph of your comment to not be true. Maybe I’m just lucky.

        Even if you’re right, and it’s a 95% situation, I still say making the sweeping generalization comments is weak discourse, falling back on an attention-grabber that people can’t argue with, and inevitably hurtful to somebody in the room (or on the newsfeed) and I wonder why intelligent people can’t find a more creative and less clunky way to vent their frustrations.

        Dad, I remember that story. You told me it after it happened and it has since added fuel to my pre-existing dislike of this kind of statement. I’m glad you gave her the boot.

    • LOL Craig, nice!

  6. Eh, well. Such is life, and we can disagree. Instead of taking gender stereotyping personally, I say just be thankful that you aren’t “that kind of guy”. If people really know you, then they get that.

    I personally think it is kind of funny to make gender generalizations. It’s one way women bond with other women and men bond with other men. It’s also kind of a joke between me and Pumpkin Latte. We realize our tendencies, and we laugh about them.

  7. I agree with you Seth. People tell me all the time that I’m “not like other girls” or I’m not “your average woman”. I know this, and usually when these comments are make, they are meant as compliments. This shouldn’t make me mad, but it does, because it makes me think: Why are so many of the norms we set as gender roles so derogatory? Look at Adrienne’s list of typical male and female traits above. Not even one of those qualities is positive! Sure, some women and men display the qualities she lists, but it’s unfair to assume we all suck in ways appropriate to our gender. I’m not very emotionally “girly” and my good friends know that, so if I want to talk about feelings, they know it’ll piss me off if they dismiss my feelings as just me “being a woman”. Yes, I have a[n awesome] vagina, but sometimes I just plain feel some ways about things and I have some shit to say about it! Despite that, I display way more of the steroetypes that are typically considered male traits than I do female ones.
    It’s counterproductive to buy into any stereotypes, for any demographic, if for no other reason than to avoid the risk of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if we absolutely must insist on telling people who they are based on their sex, could we please make it slightly less deprecatory? I’d be much less annoyed with “men are logical/ women are emotionally evolved” than I am with “men are dicks/ bitches be crazy”.
    I think the fact that there are so many different opinions, from both sexes, in these comments kind of proves Seth’s point. We ARE all different.

  8. Forgot something: Dude, THANK YOU for the part about people disparaging an entire gender because of an emotional need to be mad at someone other than the person who has wronged them. I’m glad someone finally put that into words for me.

  9. Forgot something: Dude, THANK YOU for the part about people disparaging an entire gender because of an emotional need to be mad at someone other than the person who has wronged them. I’m glad someone finally put that into words for me! Consider it stolen.

  10. Wtf, why did that put a draft of that up there? WordPress is really working against me lately…

    • sethdellinger Says:

      Thanks for the hella reply, Kiwi! I may have to respond to it tomorrow though…I’m tired as shit. But if I end up being awake longer than expected, I shall reply and delete this and you will be none the wiser!

  11. I can’t reply to your comment above for some reason, but I have to tell you how loud I LOLed to your comment to Benihana about talking during movies.

    • sethdellinger Says:

      WordPress gets weird after awhile and doesn’t let you keep replying to comments (in the theme I use, at least)….seriously though, I’m pretty sure the problem at Sweeney Todd was the ladies we were with, but it’s fun to bust Bill’s balls anyway.

  12. I can completely relate to your stereotypes of the past section as some people will give me weird ass looks at school when they ask about my food and I tell them I made it. They say, you mean your wife. No, I mean me. Men not cooking is so outdated as many of the blogs I read are run by men.

    Cheers to you for putting this out there, especially if it hits a nerve with anyone close.

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